Whimsy And Truth

I have long enjoyed collecting quips, those one- or two-liners that show a little bit of whimsy and truth. I learned this habit from the late Jimmy Townsend, from Jasper, Ga., who was an author and columnist for many Georgia newspapers.

Some of the following are from Jimmy’s collections, some are from my own collections and some are from a church bulletin I discovered that was written by Rev. Carl Lindquist, former pastor, Highlands, NC, United Methodist Church.

I’ve learned:

That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

That state or federal government tax redistribution to the local level is followed by government control of the local level, and the individual.

That I know men who are old at 29 and men who are young at 78.

That the time to make friends is before you need them.

That under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated.

That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

That being kind is more important than being right.

That a political moderate is one who makes enemies left and right.

That it is fun to show off my new trophy wife, for the last 40 years.

That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

That you should be careful what you wish for, for it might come true.

That money doesn’t buy class.

That a consultant is one, who, when you ask him the time, tells you how to build a watch.

That the easiest way for me to grow in business is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he might have to eat them.

That life is a long marathon, not a short sprint.

That influence is like a savings account, the less you use it, the more you have.

That the hardest mountain to climb helps build your strength to finish the descent.

That a good leader’s patience is like a tube of toothpaste – it’s never quite all gone.

That it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

That the enjoyable talks with my father on the back porch when I was young did wonders for me as an adult.

That good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from poor judgment.

That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

That opportunities are never lost; someone else will take the ones you miss.

That it only takes one nanosecond to see that the girl of your dreams is for you.

That you should always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them more.

That a mortgage banker is someone who lends you an umbrella when it’s sunny, and wants it back when it rains.

That you should never underestimate your boss; he could not possibly be as dumb as some of his employees think.

That meetings are what people attend when someone else is doing the work.

That if you want to kill a good idea, get a committee to work on it.

That smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.

That some people are like small dogs – much more ferocious when they’re behind a big fence.

That when a person is down and out, an ounce of help is better than a pound of preaching.

That it is easy to be a good businessman or woman when the money’s rolling in, but nobody loves you when you’re down and out.

That the happiest days of a man’s life are spent in the arms of another man’s wife – his mother.